It’s the last day of winter, the last day of BEDA, the last day before I regain internet in my house (hooray), and my Dad’s forty-fourth birthday, all in one day. That’s kind of impressive, hey? Oh dear, I’m rhyming. Lame, self – LAME. I’m sitting at my Dad’s work, which is empty but for him (doing his work) and me (here so as to keep him company on his birthday, but mainly steal his WiFi so I can finish this Science assignment that’s due on Friday), and I can’t wait for the internet to return at home so I can do this from the comfort of my own desk, with my nice, big monitor rather than my little laptop screen that is probably causing me all kinds of neck problems as we speak.
Tomorrow is the first day of Spring, the day the Hogwarts Express leaves, and marks the beginning of the month during which Glee will return. So it sounds like a pretty good day to start with a mass spring clean of my life, yes? As some people have picked up on in the comments, and even highlighted to me, lately, my good days have become increasingly few and far between. I’m not used to having to work to be happy, and I’m falling into a pattern of starting a day well, going to school, and by lunch time, having fallen back into the same bad mood that’s been plaguing me for weeks. It’s going to stop, and September seems as good a month as any to have a shot at reinventing myself. I’m sick of procrastinating on things. I’m sick of letting little things get me down and just generally being sad all the time. I need to spend more time doing schoolwork and less time wasting time on the internet. BEDA ending is probably a good thing, in that regard.
I want to go back to where I was a year or two ago. Back when I didn’t procrastinate – just got my work done and had time for myself. Back when I was ridiculously happy every single day, and when my off days were the ones that were few and far between. They say the first step to fixing a problem is admitting that you have one. Well I have an addiction to procrastinating online, and it’s way out of hand. Some nights, I’ll just come home from school and spend the whole evening on tumblr. If I run out of things to do on tumblr, then I’ll blog, or watch YouTube, or find some other non-productive way to pass the time. I tend only to do schoolwork if I have extreme pressure on me, and my tolerance for pressure is increasing. I’m bordering on the point where even the pressure of something being due the next day is hard put to spur me to action of any kind.
When I get off my lazy, procrastinating arse and actually do some work, most of the time, I enjoy it. With the exception of Geography, but even that I’ve been known to enjoy in small doses. Heck, even maths can be tolerable once I start doing it. As for the subjects I love, I absolutely thrive on doing the work for their subjects. However, if offered the choice between tumblr and English or Science, of course I’ll pick tumblr, because tumblr is the easy way out. I don’t need to try hard, or be particularly awake, or really do much at all. It’s passive and lazy and that’s why I love it. You see, I spend very little of the time I spend procrastinating I spend doing something that I love that requires effort. I never code anything, or play in Photoshop, or write stuff. I watch Glee or scroll through tumblr. I’m lazy, and I shy away from hard work. It was only really highlighted to me today, in class, when the teacher hadn’t turned up yet and I wanted to procrastinate, so I googled online tetris. And twenty seconds into my game, decided that tetris was too much effort for me, and so just sat there.
It’s when you catch yourself calling tetris something that is taking up too much effort that you realize what a lazy shit you are. True story. And it absolutely disgusted me.
Therefore, beginning tomorrow, I’m going to kick this habit. I’m going to cut my procrastinating. I’m going to study better. I’m going to stop being so lazy. I’m going to get off my arse and exercise because it makes me feel good and makes me more productive, and I’m going to stop wasting so much time on the internet. And you know what, it’s unrealistic. And I will probably fail. But when I fail, I’m going to get back up on that horse and try again, rather than just accepting the fail as inevitable and moving on with my lazy, unproductive life.
And while I’m on the topic of spring cleaning, my desk needs attention. Catch you on the flipside, the flipside being whenever I next decide to blog, which I now have the freedom to choose, because BEDA has officially ended. Hooray!