I went running yesterday.

I feel like admitting that is almost akin to forfeiting my citizenship of the internet. I mean, come on. I’m a fifteen-year-old internet junkie and resident of tumblr who, when presented with a reasonably speedy wifi connection, will spend almost a limitless period of time online. Exercise is, regrettably, not exactly something at the forefront of my mind. Like many teenagers, and like even more teenagers who spend so much time, I’m kind of…very…lazy. Given my way, going running is the very bottom of my priorities. If I really must exercise, a leisurely stroll is more than enough for me. A brisk walk at the very most. Running? Unheard of.

I went for a few reasons. For starters, I’m not happy with my life at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say I’m unhappy or miserable. I’m so grateful for everything I have, but a recent rather deep conversation with a friend of mine, along with the large quantity of Oprah magazines I chewed my way through while on holiday have made me realise that things could be better. Life is good, but it could be amazing, just as the person I am is good, but could be better. I’m in one of those moods where I’ve got motivation to change things up, to see what I can do to improve who I am, and exercise is one of them. I’d like to be more fit and healthy, and physical health aside, my mental health of late could do with a pick-me-up.

The other reason is because it’s been something my dad has been nagging me to do with him for a while. He’s passionate about it, and I enjoy the bonding time with it, and while we’ve never gotten along badly, we get along so much better when we’ve been for a run together.

As fascinating (ahem) as I’m sure the story of my running is, what I actually wanted to take from this experience and plop into the ocean of vaguely fascinating stuff that is, in essence, the internet, is the kind of almost-Placebo effect I’ve found exercise has given me. I’ve got pretty good self esteem as far as my body is concerned – for a teenage girl who certainly doesn’t fit the stereotype of a perfect body, my self esteem is actually quite high. I like the way I look, I don’t weigh myself other than on occasion to be sure that I’m in a healthy weight range, and I’ve no desire to lose weight or change the way I look any time soon. I’d be lying if I said that a flatter stomach wouldn’t be a bonus, but it’s not something  I crave.

So, I do quite like the way I look. But since exercising, I’ve noticed this almost-Placebo effect come into play, and I’ve noticed an instant improvement in how I see my body. I even seem to be convinced, five minutes after having run, that maybe my abs are just that little bit more defined, my legs less floppy and more muscular. I doubt that there’s much difference made at all from a single run, five minutes after, but to my eyes, it feels like it has. Just knowing that eventually, exercise is going to improve me, has had me starting to see the improvements before my eyes, and that in itself is motivation enough to continue.

The other improvement that I’ve seen has been my appetite – in particular, concerning snacking excessively. After I exercise, the thought of eating something like chocolate or cake makes me feel physically ill, while the idea of eating a salad or an apple is something I’m almost crippled by craving for. Perhaps this is only the effect for me, but I’ve found that exercising helps immensely with dealing with cravings for junk, without feeling sad and punished and as though I’m missing out. I can take a desire to eat a piece of cake, take it for a run, and suddenly want some celery instead, and I’m all the healthier for it.

Basically, as painful as the actual running is, even just a few days of doing it has had a really visible impact on my life. I want to stick this out as long as possible, because I like feeling good about myself. I deserve to feel that good about myself, and it’s only making me better for it. Being realistic, I can’t see it lasting long, but perhaps that’s another thing I need to work on – my commitment to stuff I don’t like. After all, I’m taking a subject I absolutely deplore this year, and it’s going to be a stack of work. I may as well start working on my commitment now.